Suchira Nandi Purkayastha
With all its maternal instincts intact, the Indian television industry is currently nurturing shows that revolve around the girl child. Whether it's the hugely popular 'Balika Vadhu' or the emotional roller coasters set in countryside like 'Na Aana Iss Des Laado' or 'Agle Janam Mohe Bitiya Hi Kijo', 'daughter' is the dominant theme on small screen. But when it comes to real homes, the pitter-patter of a baby girl's feet is not all music. For, this is the land where brides are burnt and daughters are killed even before they are born.
Amidst the heartbreaking figures that constitute Punjab and Haryana's sex ratio are the happy stories of women who've settled in Chandigarh from all over the country. They come from places where matriarch is the finally authority and daughters are worshiped. In the dark land of female feticide, they are the bright spot that ring in hope.
'A daughter converts a house into a home.' A staunch crusader of this statement, Kerala native Lata Sharma's late grandfather was thrilled to bits when she was born. 'Being part of a 'matriarchal society' and sensitive and compassionate in nature, girls take care of parents in their old age. Earlier, they used to stay on at their maternal home even after marriage as the groom would come to reside with them. The entire property used to be inherited by daughters, with only a paltry share going to the sons,' she tells us.
Throwing light on this practice of women carrying forward their lineage, Lata adds: 'One of my father's aunts is a spinster and has been residing in her ancestral home that originally belonged to her great grandmother.'
'However, with changing times, men have become assertive of their rights. Coming in contact with the outside world, especially after migrating to the Gulf, they don't make their wife's home their own any more. Although they never lagged behind in education, they used to take up work at their wife's hometown. Now, with reversing trend, it is considered below dignity for a boy to even accept hospitality at his in-law's place for long,' she transports herself to the present.
Lata, however, laments the appalling position of women in Chandigarh, where she moved along with her husband. 'Ostracized, in some cases even burnt when they do not bring in enough dowry, most often young girls do not even stand up against the injustices meted out to them at their in-laws' place,' she says.
Bhaswati, a native of Agartala, narrates. 'A colleague of mine takes care of all her domestic responsibilities despite having a full-time job. As is the case in most Indian homes, she looks after the daily needs of her husband and kids before leaving for office. It's the same routine in the evenings, when the family is back. But once, when she was terribly sick, her husband did not even stay back to take care of her, citing office work.'
A member of the only legal matriarchal society in the country, a feisty girl from Meghalaya, Ross, shares candidly, 'I belong to a state where women have more say both inside and outside their homes. The youngest daughter inherits the property and takes care of her parents. Being the lone bread earner in most families, she has a major say in all decisions. After relocating to Chandigarh seven years ago for work, I've found that for most women, life is a grind.'
A Keralite, Anjali, adds, 'It seems the matriarchal system is on its last leg. In upper caste families, women used to have a very strong role to play' For her, the link between education and empowerment is not lost. 'If you look at cultures where women have a greater say, the emphasis on growth and studies is much higher. That probably explains Kerala's literacy rate of close to 86% and its sex ratio, which is 1,058 females to 1,000 males,' she sums up.